Hello All. Thanks for reading. I am here to write about loving someone who has suffered a catastrophic loss. I’m hoping to build a community where we can talk candidly, helping each other with judgement free feedback, story sharing and giving each other strength. These are feeling and happenings that I might have trouble sharing with friends and family, hence my anonymity.
The story is simple. For the past two and a half years I’ve been working as a residential health/pool club manager. In June 2012 a lovely member, who I got to know through a children’s music we hosted asked if i’d like to be set up with her older brother. After a rough year of post-breakup navigation through dating scene in the big city, I was flattered and happily accepted. First came an exchange of funny emails and then our first date, which felt sort of like magic… conversation flowed, smiles were abundant, a love for Burger King Original Chicken Sandwiches was shared and a second date was initiated. He seemed like a level headed, bright, funny and handsome man. We eventually figured out that we had a run in and exchanged a couple of words at the building prior to being set up… now it felt meant to be.
On July 4th after a low-key evening of burgers & fries, a conversation began and I was about to find out the unimaginable… he was living with loss. In June of 2008 his wonderful girlfriend of four years was tragically killed in an accident while they vacationed in South America. She was 27, he was 31. An unthinkable loss, I was stunned. What do you say? How do you go on? While holding back tears, I promised him I wouldn’t treat him any different, a promise I would find difficult to keep in the coming months. He went on to tell me that despite being a fourth year medical student with good grades and a seemingly normal social life he was “fucked up” (post accident) and that still loves her, neither of which were easy to hear but I respected his honesty. I wanted to know more, but how do you broach the subject with someone you’re just getting to know. Patience was not my strong point but was something I knew i’d need to work on in order to make this work
How would I nurture my own feelings and emotions while remaining sensitive to the hurt and frustration my new partner must be struggling with? How do I keep my guard down and not live in fear of hurt? Will he ever be able to love again? Will he subconsciously compare me to her? These are questions and issues I will address in future posts as well as the many thoughts and questions would arise over the coming months.
Please feel free to share your stories. And thank you for reading.